I once read a quote
“When you’re missing something, you’re searching for it, and you do things that people think are odd trying to find it. Trying to find happiness, trying to fill the void.”
This quote gave me such a revelation that I became calm and still within my own being….an abrupt calmness and stillness, one I don’t think I’ve ever experienced in all of my years…at that moment I realized I have a deep and sometimes desperate urge to share my love…….now this “love” I have blissfully followed has taken a toll on my own sanity. I often wonder if I am even sane for thinking someone such as myself
a kind hearted, over sensitive, openly vulnerable, outspoken, and passionate vessel will experience unconditional LOVE due to the fact that the pain inside my mind still lingers….
While this apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, I am attempting to love myself and aspiring another soul to do the same. Hopefully past observations of my parents relationship(s) won’t lead me into a pattern of demeaning relationships….see daddy says find someone that will love me and cherish me as he does….mommy says the same, but neither of them has followed their own advice…and although I know they want whats best for me there is a place in me that is damaged from all the beatings and neglect I witnessed as a child….
So the void I’m seeking to feel…..
the empty spaces daddy never filled due to his constant absence,
the missing affection mama replaced with her resentful words,
hugs and kisses that came from the heart….
I’m numb…..I’m lost….
& I admit I’m still trying to be found……
-Roni Marsalis (NefelibataRoni/RoniFeathers)